The Even Lesser Known Works Of James Incandenza

Recently, a film historian was able to unearth a handful of previously unknown films by James Incandenza.  These films were not included in the filmography compiled by David Foster Wallace for his book Infinite Jest, which was previously assumed to be exhaustive.  For completeness sake, we have summarized these newly unearthed films below:

Perm Warfare - The elaborately-coiffed, sociopathic CEO of a multi-national hair products company concocts a bizarre plan to solve the world’s overpopulation problem by unleashing a biological weapon on the public-at-large via a new baldness cure solution (sic).  While supervising the R&D for this stylish WMD, the CEO has a nervous breakdown following a quarrel with his (prematurely bald) son.  His plan fails when the murderous hair treatment fails to catch on in the market, and — in a last ditch effort to salvage the baldness solution’s popularity — he accidentally kills his son during the taping of an infomercial purporting to demonstrate its effectiveness.

Pot Luck Donner Party  - A masochist cult leader and his followers become trapped during a snow storm as they emigrate to the western US during the mid-19th century.  Starving and desperate, the leader makes arrangements for a Dionysian, cannaballistic feast to take place during the vernal equinox.  The cult members all show up to the feast having amputated a variety of their own appendages.  The appendages are cooked and consumed, and an unhinged Bacchannal ensues.  The leader and his followers gradually amputate and consume themselves until they are nothing more than heads lying in the snow.  The film ends with the heads singing the Barry Manilow-penned hit song “Copacabana (At The Copa).”

The Banality Of Happiness - 379 minute long, hyper-realistic, anti-narrative Werner Herzog-homage documentary film consisting of unedited footage of the actions of a single, randomly-chosen housewife during one day in the 20th century, intercut with snippets of footage of hand-to-hand combat taken during World War 2’s pacific theater.

Tesla’s Pigeon - (silent) A parody of nature films consisting of carefully-edited documentary footage of a single pigeon’s life from birth to death.  Careful editing, along with a handful of textual subtitles, turn the film into a highly-detailed allegory of the AC/DC wars between Nikolai Tesla and Thomas Edison during the early 1900s.  

A Bargain For Salvation (Aramaic, with subtitles and laugh track) Parody of American network television sitcom circa 1980:  In the year 23 AD, a Jewish cult leader named Jesus struggles to provide for his wife Mary.  After scrounging up whatever money he can find, Jesus rides into town to buy food, but squanders his money gambling along the way.  The now-penniless Jesus tries to cut a deal with a farmer, to no avail, despite Jesus offering to exchange eternal salvation for the farmer’s soul in exchange for food.  Jesus returns home with no food, much to Mary's chagrin.  In an attempt to make this up to her, Jesus takes out a life insurance policy and carries out a plan to have himself crucified so that his family may receive the insurance money.

False Friend Of The Translator  (French with subtitles) - A Parisian bureaucrat who speaks impeccable English befriends a British consulate.  While translating some documents at work, he (the bureaucrat) gradually realizes that the consulate is engaged in an affair with his wife.  In a rage, the bureaucrat kills his wife, the consulate, and then himself.  The English subtitles erroneously contain the text of the Robert Louis Stevenson novel Treasure Island in lieu of an accurate translation of the French dialogue.

Dial T For Telephone - An abnormally large group of adolescents at a sleepover play the children’s game “telephone.”  Over the course of two and a half hours the statement “Billy has the baseball” goes through thousands of iterations until it becomes an irrefutably sound explication of the meaninglessness of life.

Rosemary’s Laundry - An obsessive-compulsive germophobe named Rosemary — dissatisfied with her attempts to “get her whites the whitest” — makes a Faustian pact with a mysterious cleaning products salesman.  The salesman gives Rosemary a large supply of startlingly effective cleaning products, but in return extracts from her a promise to fulfill an unspecified obligation.  Subsequently, Rosemary gives birth to a potential Antichrist of presumably Satanic parentage, and is horrified when she realizes that the cleaning products she bartered her soul for are effective against every stain on Earth, except for those caused by her demonic child’s shockingly repugnant and constant bodily discharges.  

Agincourt Of Appeals - an elderly Jewish woman presides over a series of small claims court cases between midevil knights.  The loser of each case is drawn and quartered.